


Candy Store

by 14ofdiamonds



Series: The Heathers/ Hamilton Crossover no one asked for but I still did anyway [2]
Category: Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: tons of swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 16:36:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11627541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/14ofdiamonds/pseuds/14ofdiamonds
Summary: Welcome to my favorite song from the whole Heathers musical!





	Candy Store

“Are we gonna have a problem?”  

 

*FLASH BACK TO THE LAST FIVE MINUTES*

 

Thomas Jefferson wanted Alex to forge a note in Lee’s handwriting.  Why? Because of course, the DRs wanted to harass poor unsuspecting innocent people for sick entertainment. And Thomas remembered that Gilbert and Lee kissed on the football field in kindergarten and that to this day, Gilbert still had a crush on Lee. Aaron Burr bent over so Alex had a surface to write on.  The note said, “Hello beautiful.  I’ve been watching you and thinking about some of the old days. I hope you can come to my homecoming party this weekend.  Miss you.  - Ram”

 

Once Alex finished reading the note, he realized what he had done.  This note was going to kill Gilbert once he found out it wasn’t legitimate!  He tried to voice his thoughts to the DRs, but instead, Thomas Jefferson began to shout at him.  

 

*NOW* 

 

“You got a bone to pick?  You’ve come so far, why now are you pulling on my dick? I’d normally slap your face off, and everyone here could watch! But I’m feeling nice, here’s some advice, listen up, BIOTCH!”

 

The DRs then burst into a musical number, which Alex suspected was the song all the people who became a DR had to listen to and memorize.  [ _ Italics _ \- JMads & ABurr,  **Bold** \- TJeffs, normal- all three, Underline- JMads and ABurr but their names will be in brackets] 

 

_ “I like!” _

 

**“Lookin’ hot, buyin’ stuff they cannot.”**

 

_ “I like!” _

 

**“Drinkin’ hard, maxin’ dad’s credit card.”**

 

_ “I like!” _

 

**“Skippin’ gym, scarin’ her, screwin’ him!”** [gayyyyyyyyy]

 

_ “I like!” _

 

**“Killer clothes”**

 

“Kickin’ nerds in the nose!”

 

**“If you lack the balls, you can go play dolls, let your mommy fix you a snack.”**

 

_ “Woah!” _

 

**“Or you could come smoke, have some rum and coke, in my Porsche with the quarterback!”**

 

_ “Woah! Woah! Woah!” _

 

“Honey, watchu waitin’ for? Step into my candy store!  Time for you to prove you’re not a loser anymore!  Then step into my candy store!”

 

“Guys fall”

 

“At your feet, pay the check,” (ABurr)

 

“Help you cheat!” (JMads)

 

“All you”

 

“Have to do”  (ABurr)

 

**“Is say ‘goodbye’ to Shamu.”**

 

“That freak’s!”

 

“Not your friend, I can tell in the end”  (JMads)

 

“If he!”

 

“Had your shot” (JMads) 

 

“He would leave you to rot!”

 

“‘Course, if you don’t care, FINE, go braid his hair.  Maybe Sesame Street is on,” (JMads) 

 

“Woah!”

 

“Or forget that creep,” (JMads)

 

“And get in MY jeep,” (ABurr)

 

**“Let’s go tear up someone’s lawn!”**

 

\-- Thomas snatched the note out of Alex’s hand and proceeded to give it to Gilbert, who was standing a few feet away from the spectacle.  --

 

_ “Woah! Woah! Woah!” _

 

“Honey, whatchu waitin’ for? Welcome to my candy store! You just gotta prove you’re not a pussy anymore!  Then step into my candy store!”

 

**“You can join the team,”**

 

_ “Or you can bitch and moan!” _

 

**“You can live the dream,”**

 

_ “Or you can die alone!” _

 

**“You can fly with eagles,”**

 

_ “Or if you desire,” _

 

**“Keep on testing me,”**

 

_ “And become quagmire!” _  [I swear, I tried.]  

 

\-- Gilbert then ran up to Alex. 

 

“Alexander, look! Ram invited me to his homecoming party! This proves he’s been thinking about me!”

 

How are you supposed to tell your friend the note is fake without breaking their heart? 

 

“Color me stoked,”  said a numb Alex.

 

“I’m so happy!” 

 

The DRs then burst back into song.  Aaron began to sing Thomas’s part.  -- 

 

“Oh woah, honey watchu waitin’ for-” 

 

**“SHUT UP DR!  Welcome to my candy store!”**

 

While Thomas sang vocalizations, James and Aaron sang,  _ “Time for you to prove you’re not a lame ass anymore!” _

 

“Then step into my candy store!  It’s my candy store, it’s my candy, it’s my candy store, it’s my candy STOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRREE!”  

 

\-- Great. (sigh)  -- 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment for stuff you wanna see! 
> 
> (songs for this series, ships for future works, ideas for future works, & three word prompts.)
> 
> Lesson of the day: Be nice to everyone- don't stereotype or assume anything because it just ends up making you look like you're uneducated.


End file.
